Yes boys and girls we all have to live together on the trail whether we like it or not and after my trip up the commercially groomed peaks of Grays and Torreys I think it’s time for a little Trail Etiquette: 101.
Trail Etiquette: 101
Most human beings have a good sense of do’s and don’ts when in public but you put them in the wilderness and it’s like they think their Mother isn’t watching. Being in the great outdoors does not give you an excuse to lose all since of civility. Just because the marmots can get away with it doesn’t mean you can too, I know, it’s terribly unfair.
Etiquette Tip #1: Right of Way
If there is one thing you take away from this let it be the Right of Way. On Grays and Torreys I easily encountered over 100 people on the trail and an embarrassing 5% of them even had a clue. Right of Way is very simple, if you are going down hill you yield to anyone going up. There is no circumstance where this is not true. You could be getting chased by a gang of rabid bears carrying lead pipes and chains and you will still be expected to give right of way to any hikers coming up. Seriously, the bears already know this and they would wait politely.
Trails are tight quarters that usually only accommodate one way traffic. If you are heading down hill and see a hiker coming up it is your duty to step to the side and let them pass. Do not expect a thank you, this is a thankless gesture, you’re not doing anyone a favor you’re just doing your job.
Just think of it this way, people going up hill are in low gears already. They aren’t moving fast but it’s taking a lot of effort to make it happen. When you’re going down hill you’re practically in neutral, sure it’s hard on the breaks but your not burning any gas and it doesn’t take much to get the ball rolling again.
Etiquette Tip #2: Giving way
I don’t know why I even need to mention this one. If one or more people are coming up behind you, pull over. It doesn’t matter if your going up or down, if someone is coming up on your six you move your slow ass to the side of the trail. There is no shame in this, the person passing you isn’t going to get a medal for getting there first but you may find the business end of a trekking poll making acquaintance with your tender nether regions if you don’t.
Etiquette Tip #3: Popping Your Top Off
Listen, unless your packing a beer belly and haven’t seen the sun in 20 years I don’t want to see it. If it’s too hot to keep your muscles under a shirt then you should just stay home and have a pizza. I’m not kidding, have some ice cream too.
Etiquette Tip #4: This Is Not Your Living Room
I know, I know there’s a mountain goat off to the left, I know it’s hot out and you need to take off your zip pants, I know you have absolutely no consideration for anyone around you but keep your shit off the trail. You are holding up traffic, cluttering up the trail and just generally pissing everyone else off. If you need to take a picture, adjust your what-ever, then do it any where else but directly in the middle of the trail.
One clue that might help decide if your breaking etiquette on this one is when there’s 5 people standing there looking at you, angrily, waiting for you to pick up your crap and move. The wrong thing to do in this situation is to apologize, giggle, and not move. This is another good way to become a trekking pole popsicle.
Etiquette Tip #5: If You See a Piece of Litter, Pick it Up!
This isn’t funny at all, if you see someones trash that they calously left behind, pick it up. I’ve picked up some pretty vile things (read, maxi pads) that inconsiderate people have left on the trail (seriously it was pretty gross). As a result of this I carry a plastic bag so I don’t have to touch icky stuff but I’m still able to help out.
Each time we step foot on a trial or a wilderness area we are having a negitive impact on the surrounding wild life. Now, I’m not some granola eating hippy from Boulder (I do, however, love granola) but I enjoy pristine trails with minimal sings of human impact. I get out to get a way, so stop bring “a way” to the “out” and leaving it there, or, in the very least help us pick it up. If it makes you feel better smear the contents of your bag on that Land Rover you saw at the trail head. You know that bastard probably doesn’t even recycle!!
Etiquette Tip #6: Poop Bags and You
First of all, I’d like to say thank you for picking up your dogs poop and secondly I’d like to say go to hell for leaving a bright orange bag of poop right next to the trail. I’m not sure you are aware of this but there is a great invention called a backpack. It fits snuggly on your back and has many compartments to hold your various snacks and sports drink bottles. Now a days they also make backpacks that fit our K-9 companions and believe it or not they really don’t care what you put in there. In fact, you could probably get away with putting a bag of poop in there! Crazy! I know!
Again, thank you, but no thank you. If your gonna bag your dogs poop, and I comend you for going half way, please pack it with you. I know it’s gross, but hey, you broght the dog not me.
This concludes our Etiquette 101 session for the month, however I’m sure I’ll find more things to complain teach about very soon but remember, your Mother is always watching, Mother Nature.